After My Abortion: From Shame and Silence to Being a Pro-Life Voice

The moment in time that I first knew God was calling me to be a pro-life speaker is clearly etched into my memory. It occurred in October just over four years ago when I was in my home state of Virginia, at a pregnancy resource center fundraiser banquet with my grandmother.

Unbeknownst to anyone around me, I was 18 weeks pregnant with my daughter Lily and I had recently been informed conclusively that she was a girl, though I already knew in my heart that she was. At age 19, in February of that same year, at six weeks gestation, I had an abortion. Afterwards, due to my broken heart, I found myself in a deep pit of chaos and despair, as my devastated life spiraled further out of control. Within a few months time, I ended up pregnant out of wedlock … again. I was close to choosing abortion a second time within a year, when God turned my world upside down by using the life of my precious unborn child to bring me back to Him.

As I listened to the keynote speaker address the crowd that October night in Virginia, God clearly spoke something beautiful to my heart. He showed me that in the future, as a keynote speaker, I would be sharing my story of LIFE and redemption, as I addressed audiences at pregnancy resource center banquets. He was cultivating a passion and purpose within me that I never could have imagined on my own. I could not hold back the tears of joy that flowed freely as I thought of how God had completely rearranged my heart and future through my sweet girl growing in my womb.

I knew in the deepest parts of me that I had a special calling on my life to be a voice for the unborn, those facing unplanned pregnancies, and post-abortive men and women in a very public way. Little did I know the sad turn my story would take and that it would require of me to say goodbye to my Lily Katherine before she ever took her first breath. On March 16th, 2010, I arrived with great joy at the birthing center where I fully expected to deliver my healthy full-term daughter. Instead I was given the news that her strong little heart was no longer beating. (You can read more of my story on my blog at www.roseandherlily.com). In my joyful imaginings, I had pictured myself standing in front of audiences, with a beautiful little girl by my side. Yes, the lovely outcome I had counted on disappeared with Lily’s early death, but my story is even more beautiful than I had dreamed – my calling the same. As long as I am alive, I will share the lives and legacies of my two babies who never spoke a word or took a single breath. A legacy of how each life is precious, valuable, and irreplaceable. A legacy of how God brings beauty from ashes and restores the most broken of hearts.