Why miscarriage matters when you’re pro-life

Photo Credit: Sarah Thompson @ Sarah T. Photography

Back in my former life, I was a proofreader.

We were a fabulous group of gals. But, I’m not going to lie — we were pretty nitpicky. And NOT the most popular in the office. In fact, we had not just one book, but multiple books by which we would mentally check each word, each phrase, each sentence.

We had rules about whether a dash should be the size of a capital “N” or a capital “M” (and yes, we did measure). We ensured the proper use of “insured,” then assured all the writers that, yes, everyone gets those words mixed up. And of course, we must never forget to correct the spacing on an ellipsis. (#.#.#.#). Very important, that one.

But we had one rule that trumped all rules:

Consistency was king.

You see, on most issues, you could get away with breaking a rule or two — as long as you were consistent.

And now, after both quitting my job and going through 3 first-trimester losses in a row (primarily surrounded by pro-lifers), I really wish I could say the same thing about life. And about pregnancy loss.

I must make a disclaimer (to all my friends and family reading this) — You did the best you could. And for the most part, I felt loved and I knew that so many of you grieved with me.

To be perfectly honest, before my losses, I didn’t quite understand that the way we pro-lifers treat miscarriage is important.

And yet after we lost Olivia, it didn’t take long for me to realize that in this Christian microcosm of ours, somehow an aborted baby had so much more to offer the world than a miscarried one.

Both babies may have died at the same gestation — one by choice, the other by chance. But the value attached to each child completely depended on how that child died.

Here are some of the mixed messages I received — sometimes just hinted at, other times outright:

An aborted baby deserves to be grieved. A miscarried one deserves to be gotten over. And quickly. 

An aborted baby could have been the next Einstein or Bach or Mother Theresa. A miscarried baby was probably damaged goods.

An aborted baby was killed against God’s design. A miscarried baby fulfilled God’s plans.

An aborted baby was a real person, and should have the rights as such. A miscarried baby was not a real child — naming them really is kinda weird. Speaking of weird . . . counting them in the line-up of your children? THAT’S weird!

An aborted baby should always be missed in this world. God had created them for a purpose, no matter what health issues they may have had. A miscarried baby was meant for heaven — and we moms should just be so thankful we have a baby in heaven, and should not grieve the loss of their place on earth. After all, they never TRULY had a place on earth, did they?

An aborted baby is a tragedy. A miscarried baby is slight bump on the road of life.

An aborted baby could never be replaced. A miscarried baby can always be replaced — “Oh, don’t worry, hon — your time will come again. You’ll have more. Just relax and trust God. You’ll see.”

An aborted baby’s mom should know exactly what she’s missing out on if she has living children. A miscarried baby’s mom should not grieve that loss, but instead, should just be thankful for the lives of her living children.

This isn’t a debate about abortion. Really, it’s not.

It’s a call to those of you who say you are pro-life. It’s a call to be consistent.

Do you really believe life — personhood — begins at conception? If so, standing up against abortion is understandable. But so is treating a miscarriage as a real death of a real person.

Perhaps instead of just standing outside of Planned Parenthood . . . Instead of just posting on Facebook your outrage at the laws in the land . . . Instead of praying for your neighbor’s cousin’s boyfriend’s daughter who is considering abortion . . .

What if you took it one step further?

What if you held the hand of a grieving mom who miscarried at 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 18 weeks or more?

What if you never compared the loss of a 4-weeker to a 20-weeker?

What if you never said anything that started with, “At least . . . ” As in, “At least it happened early.” Or, “At least you didn’t get too attached.” Or, “At least you have one living child. You should be thankful for them.”

What if you didn’t try to stifle her tears? What if you welcomed them? And matched her tears with your own?

What if you held back any trite, easy answers that promised God’s will and promised easy comfort? What if you just wrapped your arms around her the way Christ would?

What if you made that meal, bought those flowers and wrote that card?

What if you went to the hospital and sat in the waiting room for her, even if you wouldn’t see her? Just because she is your friend. Just because that’s what you do when someone is sick in the hospital or their child is dying.

What if you called her child by name?

What if you went to the service if they planned one? What if you helped her find a support group? What if you offered to go with her?

What if you prayed constantly for that hole in her heart that will one day scab, one day scar, but will never fully heal?

What if you were consistent? What if all your actions when dealing with loss of any kind, affirmed that fact that all life — ALL LIFE — is good, worthy of recognition and worthy of grief.

What if you didn’t just affirm to the world that all babies are valuable — but you also affirmed to a bereaved mom that HER baby was irreplaceable, and would forever be missed?

A person is a person . . . no matter how small.

And I would add . . . no matter when or how they died.

LEARN MORE:

http://www.lifenews.com/2014/03/07/pro-lifers-need-to-be-consistent-when-it-comes-to-miscarriage/

http://thelewisnote.blogspot.com/2014/02/why-miscarriage-matters-if-youre-pro.html

Students for Life President: Ignoring Abortion Like Ignoring Holocaust

by Katie Yoder | Washington, DC | LifeNews.com | 3/7/14 6:49 PM

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Here’s a message the media won’t want to hear: the dangers of ignoring the devastation of abortion.

Students for Life of America President Kristan Hawkins compared remaining silent on abortion’s destruction to ignoring trains heading towards concentration camps. To a gathering of pro-lifers preparing to pray in front of abortion clinics, Hawkins declared, “We’re literally on the train track. Because this is where women are being led – to slaughter their children.” Hawkins spoke during a candlelit vigil on March 5 to kick-off the Washington D.C. 40 Days for Life campaign.

40 Days for Life is a campaign of prayer and fasting for the unborn and their mothers held worldwide in 253 locations this spring. The movement, which went national in 2007, boasts 600,000 participants and over 8,200 babies alive today because of members who prayed outside of Planned Parenthoods and other abortion clinics for a period of 40 days.

Standing in front of the D.C. Planned Parenthood, Hawkins explained how she once met a pro-life activist who spoke with a man from Germany about the Holocaust. He shared a childhood memory of how his church sang hymns louder when trains passed by with Jews screaming from inside. Continues after the video.

Hawkins said, “I couldn’t help but think how many of our brothers and sisters in Christ are just singing. How many of them are saying ‘I’m with you, I’m there, I agree abortion is bad. I don’t like Planned Parenthood. I know they do bad things. I would never have an abortion. I’m pro-life, but …”

Hawkins continued to compare the Holocaust to the millions of babies aborted:

And these people are literally singing. That’s all they do is they’re singing and what our job is to ask them to come out and join us during forty days for life. Right here, this is train track. We’re literally on the train track. Because this is where women are being led. – to slaughter their children. This is where women are being deceived. This is when the whole life that she had planned for herself leads her to this building, believing that she has no other option than to kill her baby.

Other speakers at the event included Blessed John Paul II Chaplain Fr. Gregory Gresko and Project Rachel volunteer Rebecca Baehrend. The 40 Days for Life team leader Brett Manero opened with prayer.

No media attended the vigil other than the Media Research Center. The Media Research Center reported on past vigils held in fall 2012, spring 2013 and fall 2013. A search of ABC, CBS, and NBC showed no coverage on 40 Days for Life – ever.

LEARN MORE:

http://www.lifenews.com/2014/03/07/students-for-life-president-ignoring-abortion-like-ignoring-holocaust/

Psychological Risks: Traumatic Aftereffects of Abortion

Despite the claims of Planned Parenthood and other pro-choice organizations, women who abort are more likely to suffer from emotional problems than women who have not had an abortion.

Suicide

— 6-7 times higher suicide rate. Two national from Finland based on medical records revealed that aborting women were six-seven times more likely to commit suicide in the following year than were delivering women.(1)

— Up to 60% have suicidal thoughts. According to a recent study in a major scientific journal, 31% had thoughts of suicide after abortion. In another survey, approximately 60% of women with post-abortion problems reported suicidal thoughts, with 28% attempting suicide and half of those attempting suicide two or more times.(2)

— 154% higher risk of suicide. Another study of more than 173,000 American women who had abortions or carried to term found that, during the eight years after the pregnancy ended, women who aborted had a 154% higher risk of suicide than women who carried to term.(3)

— Higher suicide risks for teens. Teen girls are 10 times more likely to attempt suicide if they have had an abortion in the last six months than girls who have not had an abortion, and 2-4 times more likely to commit suicide after abortion compared to adult women.(4)

Depression

— 65% higher risk of clinical depression. A longitudinal study of American women revealed that those who aborted were 65% more likely to be at risk of long-term clinical depression after controlling for age, race, education, marital status, history of divorce, income, and prior psychiatric state.(5)

— Depression risk remained high, even when pregnancies were unplanned. Among a national sample of women with unintended first pregnancies, aborting women were at significantly higher risk of long-term clinical depression compared to delivering women.(6)

Trauma

— 65% report symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. In a study of U.S. and Russian women who had abortions, 65% of U.S. women experienced multiple symptoms of PTSD, which they attributed to their abortions. Slightly over 14% reported all the symptoms necessary for a clinical diagnosis of abortion-induced PTSD, and 25% said they did not receive adequate counseling. 64% said they felt pressured by others to abort.(7)

— In the above study, 60% of American women reported that they felt “part of me died” after their abortions.(7)

— Twice as likely to be hospitalized. Compared to women who deliver, women who abort are more than twice as likely to be subsequently hospitalized for psychiatric illness within six months.(8)

— More outpatient psychiatric care. Analysis of California Medicaid records shows that women who have abortions subsequently require significantly more treatments for psychiatric illness through outpatient care. (9)

— Multiple disorders and regrets. A study of post-abortion patients only 8 weeks after their abortions found that 44% reported nervous disorders, 36% experienced sleep disturbances, 31% had regrets about their decision, and 11% had been prescribed psychotropic medicine by their family doctor.(10)

— Generalized anxiety disorder. Among women with no previous history of anxiety, women who aborted a first, unplanned pregnancy were 30% more likely to subsequently report all the symptoms associated with a diagnosis for generalized anxiety disorder, compared to women who carried to term.(11)

— Sleep disorders. In a study of women with no known history of sleep disorders, women were more likely to be treated for sleep disorders after having an abortion compared to giving birth (nearly twice as likely in the first 180 days afterwards). Numerous studies have shown that trauma victims often experience sleep difficulties.(12)

— Disorders not pre-existing. In a New Zealand study, women had higher rates of suicidal behavior, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other disorders after abortion. The study found that these were not pre-existing problems.(13)

Eating disorders & substance abuse

— 39% had eating disorders. In a survey of women with post-abortion problems, 39% reported subsequent eating disorders.(14)

— Five-fold higher risk of drug and alcohol abuse. Excluding women with a prior history of substance abuse, those who abort their first pregnancy are 5 times more likely to report subsequent drug and alcohol abuse vs. those who give birth.(15)

— Substance abuse during subsequent pregnancies. Among women giving birth for the first time, women with a history of abortion are five times more likely to use drugs, twice as likely to use alcohol, and ten times more likely to use marijuana during their pregnancy, compared to women who have not had an abortion.(16)

— Alcohol abuse linked to other problems. Alcohol abuse after abortion has been linked to violent behavior, divorce or separation, auto accidents, and job loss.(17)

Coercion, guilt, repressed grief

— Coerced to violate their beliefs, values and conscience. The “decision” to abort is often based on the demands or threats of others – even when it violates the woman’s own moral beliefs and desire to keep the baby.(18) This is a known risk factor for psychological complications after abortion.(19)

— 64% of abortions involve coercion. A recent study of women who had abortions found that 64% of American women reported that they felt pressured by others to abort.(7)

— Common negative reactions. In a survey of women reporting post-abortion problems, 80% experienced guilt, 83% regret, 79% loss, 62% anger and 70% depression.(2)

— Forbidden grief. After abortion, societal expectation, personal shame and public and professional denial result in repressed grief, causing serious problems including clinical depression, eating disorders, self-destructive lifestyles and suicide.(20)

Divorce and chronic relationship problems

— Women with a history of abortion are significantly more likely to subsequently have shorter relationships and more divorces. This may be due to lowered self-esteem, greater distrust of males, sexual dysfunction, substance abuse, and increased levels of depression, anxiety, and volatile anger.(21)

— More poverty and single parenthood after repeat abortions. Women who have more than one abortion (nearly half of those seeking abortions each year)(22) are more likely to become single parents and to require public assistance.(23)

— 30-50% of post-abortive women report experiencing sexual dysfunctions such as promiscuity, loss of pleasure from intercourse, increased pain, and aversion to sex and/or men.(23)

Not counseled before or after the abortion, many wanted alternatives

In a study of American and Russian women who experienced abortion:

— 67% of American women reported that they received no counseling beforehand

— 84% reported they received inadequate counseling beforehand

— 79% were not counseled about alternatives

— 54% were not sure about their decision at the time.(7)

Unresolved trauma and child abuse

— 144 % more likely to abuse their children. One study found that women with a history of induced abortion were 144% more likely to physically abuse their children than women who had not had an abortion.(24)

— Child abuse linked to unresolved trauma. Abortion is linked with increased violent behavior, alcohol and drug abuse, replacement pregnancies, depression, and poor maternal bonding with later children. These factors are closely associated with child abuse and would appear to confirm a link between unresolved post-abortion trauma and subsequent child abuse.(25)

Repeat abortions, self-punishment and risk factors

— 48% of aborting women have had a previous abortion.(22) Women who have had an abortion are 4 times more likely to abort a current pregnancy than those with no prior abortion history.(21) This may reflect aspects of self-punishment.(26)

— Studies have identified factors that put women at risk for negative reactions to abortion, including feeling pressured into unwanted abortions, lack of support, being more religious, prior emotional or psychological problems, adolescence, being unsure of her decision, and receiving little or no counseling prior to abortion. An analysis of 63 medical studies that identify risk factors concluded that the number of women suffering from negative emotional reactions could be dramatically reduced if abortion clinics screened women for these risk factors.(19)

To learn more, see Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion. To order, call: Acorn Books: 1-888-412-2676.

BTW: What is Planned Parenthood’s response to all this? A Planned Parenthood affiliate in Illinois posted the following advice on their website:

“You can say or yell “stop” whenever you have disturbing thoughts… if you find yourself fantasizing too often about what the child may have been like, you should substitute another fantasy: a baby crying because you have no time to give it.”(28)

LEARN MORE:

http://clinicquotes.com/psychological-risks-traumatic-aftereffects-of-abortion/

Newly crowned Miss Pennsylvania, Valerie Gatto, was conceived in rape

March 3, 2014 (LifeSiteNews.com) – When the newly crowned Miss Pennsylvania, Valerie Gatto, was in third grade, she found out the difficult truth that she had been conceived when her mother was raped at knifepoint.

Gatto’s mother was only 19 years old when the attack occurred.  Her assailant had plans to murder her as well, but says those plans were thwarted when a bright light from an unknown source appeared. This light gave Gatto’s mother the ability to get up and run away before he could do further harm to her.  Gatto says, “I like to think of that light as my mother’s and (my) guardian angel.”

In a recent interview with the Pittsburgh Tribune Review, Gatto says her mother always told her, “I was her light.”

Valerie Gatto

Soon after the attack, Gatto’s mother discovered she was pregnant.  According to an interview with Gatto for CBS Pittsburgh, her mother never considered abortion.

She did have plans to put her daughter up for adoption, hoping she could be given a more stable life elsewhere.  But, after Gatto was born, her grandmother reminded her daughter that God does not give us more than we can handle.  She convinced Gatto’s mother to raise her little girl herself.

Thus, at 20 years of age, Gatto’s mother lay aside plans to attend law school in order to raise her daughter.  Gatto grew up living with her mother and maternal grandparents in a stable, loving home.  She says she never felt as though her mother regretted her decision to keep her.

Gatto was raised going to church each Sunday and, as a result, faith became an important part of her life.  According the Gatto’s website, her mother was put in charge of the food pantry at their church, delivering food baskets for those in need.  She would bring Gatto with her and this service driven life encouraged Valerie to volunteer in various capacities as well. 

She became involved in projects such as clothing drives, giving gifts to children in hospital care, and Operation Dear Abby, which gives cards to U.S. military members stationed overseas.  Gatto says she has learned to live her life “looking at how to turn a negative into a positive.”

Gatto went on to pursue higher education and graduated with honors from the University of Pittsburgh.  Since then, she has continued serving in various capacities around her community such as helping at a local food bank and donating clothes to an organization that empowers women.

Additionally, her mother’s story of rape and survival has given her a deep desire to help other women learn how to protect themselves from sexual assault.  “I hope to make a difference and shed a light on sexual assault and rape for young women,” Gatto says.

As she anticipates using her platform to inspire many with her life and story, Gatto firmly believes God has put her on this earth for a special reason.  “I knew God put me here for a purpose, and he’s the reason my mother and I were saved,“ she says. “I want to do him proud and my family proud.  If I did just sit there and think, ‘Why did this happen?’ or ‘Does my father know I exist?’ and be scared and let the fear of the unknown stop me, I wouldn’t be living my life. He put me here to do great things, and I’m not going to let that stop me.”

LEARN MORE:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/newly-crowned-miss-pennsylvania-valerie-gatto-was-conceived-in-rape

Newborn baby in this viral video refuses to let go of his mother!